I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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