I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
