dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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