I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
