He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
