We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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