I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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