So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
