I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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