Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's always time for handjobs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
