She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
