I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
