good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will be naked everywhere
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
