I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
