Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
