Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
