I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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