My nipple is on Facebook.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
