This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
