roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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