Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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