Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
