I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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