Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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