just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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