On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize