For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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