I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
