This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
