I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
