The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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