My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
