I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
