i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
