i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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