yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
