This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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