Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
