do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
