Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Welp...herpes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
