Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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