The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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