I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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