Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize