Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
