she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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