did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
