After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
