That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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