my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she woke up with a sticky ear
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
