Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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