He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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