Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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