I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she pinky promised me she was 18
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize