it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hippo gnu deer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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