Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
