Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
