She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
