Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
