i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
