So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you win again, gameday.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
