Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my phone needs a breathalizer
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
