I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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