I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she told me i tasted like america
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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