didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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