I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
