she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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