someone get that fucking seahorse.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
