nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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