I skipped work to stalk him.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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