Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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