i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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